I don't want this humilation

  3.00 p.m, 12th June 2010
   This is Julia's last time online her Facebook. She has no idea what to post on her latest status. She seems like divided between update or not but she just proceed anyway. She wants everybody know what's on her mind now. After a long thoughts,she put this as her status.

"Will jumping off building. Bye everyone and don't miss me."

After that,she logged out from her Facebook and going out from her house. She only brought her mobile phone and some money. She deliberately did not carry her identity card because she don't want her parents looking for her.

 *Few days ago

    "That Julia pig is lessie,gay people like her should die," Lisa says to her friends as they in the toilet,fixing their make-up and all that. They didn't know that Julia in one of the cubicle. Julia heard their chit-chat and hold her tears so the girls don't know she was there. 

    "If she dies,the Satan will not accept her and says the place is already full," Amy says as she laughed evilly with the girls. Carol,the other girl said in a tone of insult "She is the same as her gay friends too.they should committed a suicide at the waste dumps. Julia's parent is stupid for giving a birth to a fag. If I was her mother,I should throw her away in a bin and let the stray dogs eat her alive," Lisa was shocked by Carol's statement but in her eyes she support what had just Carol said. Then Lisa says "Well,you're right. We should called the fags as alien," now it's Amy turn to wow by Lisa words just now. Amy says "you are genius. the fags is an alien because their only fucking themselves," they laughed so hard when Amy said that.

   Julia's tears slowly dropped. She can't stand the things they talking about her. She just want to get out and hit them one by one but their in groups and Julia only one. 

   They're cruel! Mean bitches! Selfish! Julia cursed them silently. She didn't ask for the insult,she want some respect but everybody in the world is mean. What have she done wrong to them to deserve this slap in the face?

   After the three mean girls is out,Julia slowly open the door and look herself onto the mirror. She remembered how she was beaten because she just sit next to girl,her bag pack being thrown away from the building and the person who do that ask her to jump to get the bag pack. Her food was once spitted by a boy,student in her same school and she totally don't know who he is. This is all because of Olivia,friend of the three mean girls just now who had took her video and Ashley at a party and spread the video to everybody at school,without their knowledge. Ashley had to transferred school after the unfortunate event but Julia stays because her parent can't afford to move her to other school. as a result,she became the brunt of ridicule subject to people at her school including teachers.

   The night before 12th June

    Julia stared at the ceiling in her room. It's been a long time after the video spreaded,Ashley didn't contact her yet. She felt lonely when Ashley's Facebook account has disabled. Adding more salt to her wound. What's the point of living anymore? People will never stop telling her to go die and burn in hell. 

    5.00 p.m,12th June

     Julia sits at the brink of the building. Her mobile phone hasn't stop ringing since her latest and last status in her Facebook. Many text said "please don't do this dumb act". She ignore it. Even if she live,then people will continue mocking her and her sexual orientation. It still the same thing,she thought. She throw her mobile phone from level 5 of the building and it shattered. Then she stand up and she stretch herself. Julia looks like she fearless to die. Then she plunge,while doing this she smiling.

After this,nobody can hurt me anymore.

Julia died immediately on the ground. People was shocked,screaming surprise while some of them calling 911 for help. Maybe if the ambulant come quickly,she still had the chance to survive. But sadly, a teenager who once smart and active in volunteering activity eventually die from sexual beliefs differ from others.

Should know better

You should know better,
I love you more than you do,
Because I'm nothing without you,
and you are my everything.

My life is different before you came,
I don't know what to do,
Because everything I do I feel lame,
That's before I meet you.

You should know better,
After I've known you for a long time,
The word "me and you" totally matter,
You love me and I love you,
Our love is forever.

Trying to make you listen to me

How am I suppose to tell you my story?

You just keeping on blabbering,

In what way you could just once hear me?

When you keep ignoring.

I'm feeling sick because the way you treating me,

I'm going down because I can't tell you,

What the hell has happen to me,

I'm nothing to you.

Many times I've tried to make you listen to me,

But you just keep ignoring,

Do you want me to shout at you or hit you?

So you can listen to me even once.

You complaining that I always have a secret,

But it was never my intention to do so,

Because when I speak,you starting to speak to,

Forcing me to shut up and listen to you,

Makes me lost my patience but I just listen to you.

Hate

I hate it when you being nice to me,
Talking to me,making me comfy,
When you around me.


I hate it when you smiling at me,
Trying to look friendly,
But I know you talk bad behind me.


Hate it,hate it,I feel cheated.
Hate it,hate it, I feel betrayed.


You owe me,you use me,
Don't you ever feel guilty?
I don't know you,you don't know me,
Why did you act like you know everything about me?


Hate it,hate it, I don't like it.
Hate it,hate it,I don't wanna think about it.

Why I can't stop?

I am the loser,
Cannot lose weight faster,
What have I done?
I keeping on eating,
I make myself feeling sick.

I felt hilarious,
because all the food I ate is delicious,
My weight easy to gain but hard to lose,
I feel pain but still having my chocolate mousse.

I am uncomfortable with myself,
Because I felt I cannot be save,
I see the peanut butter on the shelf,
I grab my spoon and peanut butter,
Scoop in a jar and crying while eating.

Imperfect perfect for each other

My heart belongs to you,
You're the only one I know,
that makes me feel happy,
When you're beside me.

You steal my heart when I saw you for the first time
I'm surprised cuz' this is not the way I am
Easily fall in love to strangers thats just not me
But you already steal my heart unexpectedly.

Loving you is the best things that ever
happen to me
We are imperfect perfect for each other
Just you and me
Our love is forever.

Miss you lonely

This house is full of loneliness,
It does feel empty inside,
There is a coldness,
Even the weather outside is hot.

Cuz' you already gone,
and we have to live on our own,
If I could turn back the time,
I want everything back to be same,
I will do more chores and also love you more.

Tired of missing you two,
But how can I stop when thats the only way I can do,
Keeping you both alive inside our memory.

Losing game

Gotta run away from here,
cuz' I'm tired playing of this losing game,
But I think it's my guilty pleasure,
To stay here and waiting to be blame.

I think my level of sanity,
Is getting lower and lower,
I think I will lost my integrity,
Start developing habit "I don't care".

I'm already become the uptight bitch,
and I don't know when will I switch,
Sorry I couldn't help it,
But you make me do it.

Getting tired of this madness,
I don't wanna play this losing game,
If you want to go on with this craziness,
Don't pull me in because this is lame.

Let you win,let you win
You are the drama queen,
Don't pull me into your crazy scene,
Go ahead,go ahead
I'm not that afraid,
With your damn cheap act.

I love you

I look at you in our pictures,
I realized how happy I am,
to have you by my side.

Yeah,maybe love is really blind,
cuz we meet so suddenly,
But I don't mind,
As long as you love me.

So sweet when you say to me love you,
Makes my heart beats faster,
Maybe I could go to ICU,
Well I love you too and I don't care.

I love you,you love me
What more can we say?
I need you,you need me
I miss you

No lullaby for me

My eyes wide open,I cannot sleep tonight
I don't know what to do so I go to write
Anything that inside my mind
Trying to find a rhyme
But I'm not writing a lullaby for me.

Life is hard but gotta keep on
Take it as a competition
No matter what people say about you
They never can feel what you feel
Until they in your shoe.

Too much things to think about
I think I better stop but I can't
My eyes still wide open
Trying to find a rhyme
But I'm not writing a lullaby for me.

Broken dream,broken heart what more can I say
When your life still got a long way
Please do not give up,let's start a new life
Be active not passive.

Right now I need to sleep
Too much thought make me hard to do so
Find a rhyme but I'm not writing a lullaby for me.

Like you (my crush)

When the first time I saw you,
on that night I keep thinking about you
Maybe it was a normal crush and will fade away
but it keep stronger when you around me.

Is it love or is it not?
I like you and wish you like me too.

The way you talk,walk and joke
I just couldn't help it
You make my heart beat faster than it should be
or maybe it just me.

Is it love or is it not?
I like you and wish you like me too.

I already missed you though we don't know each other well
Maybe I already love you quietly but I'm afraid you will know
But I hoping that you know already that I'm in love with you